Dealing with Sibling Rivalry

• Encourage gift-giving, compliments, and acts of kindness between siblings.
  While spending time alone with one child, show excitement at the idea of doing something nice for their brother or sister.
• Create a list of house rules. Involve school-age children in the process.
  Children need to feel like they are a part of the family and some of the decision-making.
• Be firm without getting angry.
• Chores are good, but working together is even better.
  Think of working together as good one-on-one time with your child.
• Listening to your children is the best way to help them deal with stress.
  Helping a child control their stress level has multiple benefits. It helps reduce anger which can lead to destructive behavior. It creates a more peaceful home. When children are able to talk to a parent, who makes an effort to really listen, they enjoy life more.
• Plan fun family events that provide for interaction between family members.
• Reward good behavior with natural consequences.

  Usually candy or money should not be used as rewards for good behavior. It is best to give a child realistic consequences (that which they can normally expect to receive after leaving home.) For example, when a child is polite people want to be with them so the reward may be a special time together.

  The opposite is also true. Children need to know if they change their behavior they can change the consequence.
• Never cut down a child when talking to their sibling.
• Children should not be allowed to fight while in a vehicle or group setting.
  Let children know beforehand that sibling rivalry will not be allowed during travel or at the social gathering. Be proactive not reactive.

  Discuss with the children what they can do to keep from fighting during the upcoming event. What do they need in order to be happy with each other? Decide how you will handle the situation if fighting starts. What will be done if bad behavior continues? Make sure you follow through.
• There is no need for warnings.
  Set rules, explain them clearly, and make sure everyone understands the consequences. Giving a child a warning or counting "1, 2, 3...", after giving an instruction, only undermines the parent's authority and sends a message that the child is not capable of following rules.
• Parents can set the tone by speaking softly and using kind words.
  Children often act out in reaction to a stressful environment. When parents are under stress or frustrated, children pick up on this and often deal with it in the form of sibling rivalry.
• Offer positive reinforcement
  As with most people, children often respond better to a compliment, hug, kind words, and humor than they do to a loud, yelling voice.